The Bugina Monologues

As we sat filling out a birth plan that I had down loaded off the internets, Dustin and I were being schooled on the myriad of options that are available to us. The questions range from ambiance preference to induction rights. We were feeling rather comfortable until it came to the perineal care portion. Up to this point, the questions were answered with a "yes, that sounds fine" or a "no, we'd like to try to avoid that if medically possible". Now, we were finding ourselves in the there-is-no-way-to-avoid-this arena. The words tear, suture, repair, anesthesia, hot compresses, and the like were tossed about on the page as if someone had just sneezed and it wasn't any thing to get fussy about. After reading through and answering what seemed like the same statement, er, question, about the my procedure choice, I looked up at Dustin and said, "So. To be clear here, Dustin, we're discussing the options on HOW I would like to achieve a conjoined vagina/butt hole. Not HOW we would like to avoid that but, rather, HOW we want to get there. Because it's going to happen. This union of private parts. Is happening. To me. Period."